Ricardo Sevilla's Blog

I read the lifeless messages she addressed to me.

Reminders of the wasted years. Wasted gain.

Her sunlight was that of another world.

A world I craved to explore, to get lost in.

A world in which I did not belong.

There was much I did not understand, but her light was warm.

I came to discern my capability of falling anew.

She dispelled a fear that festered soon after my divorce long ago.

The dread of not seeing myself in the eyes of another.

A Balkan woman, with eyes of blue, held my reflection in captivity.

And she did so in the cruelest of ways.

-RS

I took this photograph when I was a teenager in Miami Senior High School. It was one of the first portraits I've ever taken for a photography class. I asked my school crush, Zeidy, to let me take her picture. What's interesting enough was that while I took photography in my senior year, it was only with the full intent of napping since all my requirements for graduation have been met. Yes, I would show up to class, place my book bag on the table, and go to sleep. The teacher, Mr. Rodriguez, did try his best to get me to participate, but at the time, I found photography annoying, and I had no interest. I had no interest in anything back then. Everything seemed so.... dull. Uninteresting. Fast forward many years later, a girlfriend at the time gives me an old camera... and I start to play with it.

Every so often, I stumble upon a song that captivates me. Whether it's the underlying melody or the poetry behind the lyrics, something about the song embeds itself within me. It's as if a part of my being sinks into a warm pool of memories that remind me why I am the man that I am today. Some of these memories ache, but the pain is subtle. Some of these memories are wondrous, and the heart is warmed. It's like losing gulps of air within the interlude of your breathing. These compelling songs are the ones that make me turn off all the lights, sit down on my favorite chair, take a sip of my favorite wine, lean backward, close my eyes, and kindly ask Alexa to play. And in darkness, appreciate every note of a very powerful song.

If I was in heaven with you
I wouldn't cry for a long time
If I was in the middle with you
I would be free to speak my mind

Ooh, would you lie down?
See those clothes I'm wearing now?
Tell me where my faith is
Or is it off the road?

Ooh, would you lie down?
Tell me which birds are in the sky
Or which flowers lie at the edge of the wood

If I was in the garden with you
You would tell me how it turned out right
If I was at the table with you
I would see, I'd see your crown

Ooh, would you lie down?
See those books I'm reading now?
Are you in the dark or are you gone for good?

Ooh, would you lie down?
Tell me which birds are in the sky
Or which flowers lie by the side of the road

Next to the entrance to my place is a wall rack of running medals. They remind me of a time where running marathons and races was the norm for me. This year I decided to go back to this norm. Besides... all my running tech shirts are getting old... considering that I have not done a race in over 3 years. I need new medals and new shirts :).